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At the Stake

by Rosegarden Funeral Party

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1.
The silence deafens my worried mind Words of comfort are so hard to find Looking for arms to return to I go down the list everyone I once knew Wondering how it will end tonight Because I know I’m on the edge tonight Why do words escape me now All the feelings I used to allow What am I with no bleeding heart I can’t feel it anymore; pulling myself part How does anyone come back from this? I didn’t mean to lose my heart to this This right here is my greatest fear Oh I, I feel nothing... And the think I might be guilty of The cycle I’m so afraid of I crash into arms of someone who will hurt me I need to be with someone who needs me How does anyone come back from this? I didn’t mean to lose my heart to this? This right here is my greatest fear Oh I, I feel nothing...
2.
I'm sorry for some of the things I said And others I don't feel bad at all I worry because I don't feel bad at all Is that a problem or is it fine Is this psychosis only mine And mine alone And mine alone But I'm losing sleep over you Tonight you sleep next to somebody new And I see our tortured decline every night I see our tortured decline I don't want to think about you When I go to sleep tonight But I think that torturing myself with you Is all that feels right anymore I know I'm lost But I'm afraid of being discovered here I know I shouldn't be in this place I've heard it all before, dear But I'm losing sleep over you Tonight you sleep next to somebody new And I see our tortured decline every night I see our tortured decline
3.
Is there anyone awake back home starting to feel alone again room of people I’m the only one in it I thought I heard your voice But I didn’t I know I didn’t Is there anyone awake back home starting to feel like I know What it’s like to move on Wake up finding you gone Still feels awkward And I hate it I wish I could fake it So much better than this So much better than this What if I never come back from this Forever part of my eternal darkness Show me what it’s like To live on the other side To live in love and light And all those flippant drunken nights Feel like little falls from grace My hands feel stained I can’t find the place Between salivation And saving face And all the bad ways I cope Show through my clothes If I younger me could see now Would she be horrified or proud I was a martyr You pulled me under all these scars I can’t cover I wish I were better I wish it were over You left my hyper heart out on the water Promises get broken Hearts get stolen And sometimes you don’t get them back Where’s the exit Where the medication How do I let go of My dedication What if I never come back from this Forever part of my eternal darkness Show me what it’s like To live on the other side To live in love and light
4.
If I knew the answer Don’t you think I’d tell you Who’s eyes are you seeing this through And what does it feel like To see the beauty in a moment Why are my eyes blind to present With my heart invested in nostalgia And my mind focused on hindsight What can I say tonight? No one listens anyway I’ve run out of ways to say I miss you I can’t justify this On nights when I’m to weak to fight it I haven’t felt the same In the streetlights you walked away I miss you I can’t justify this They’re all asking when I’ll move by it It’s the way the ended With no explanation That keeps checking math again Was easy for you Or did it break you into two I still remember those nights in that blue room With my heart invested in nostalgia And my mind focused on hindsight What can I say tonight? No one listens anyway I’ve run out of ways to say I miss you I can’t justify this On nights when I’m to weak to fight it I haven’t felt the same In the streetlights you walked away I miss you I can’t justify this They’re all asking when I’ll move by it
5.
I’ll leave again tonight to feel stable I promise I’ll call you back when I’m able So many things I need to say to you In hindsight I’m happy I knew you And I wonder if you’re happy tonight I went home and nothing felt right I see the ghost of you in corners a younger me knew In hindsight I’m happy that I knew you I’ve never been good at change Still never able to keep things the same I wish that in the moment I knew That would be the last time I saw you As you get older it gets more apparent That nothing is ever completely transparent There’s more you’ll never know In the things they’ll never show In hindsight you’re always alone If this is goodbye I’ve got some things to get off my mind If this is goodbye I’ve got some things I don’t want to die with by my side When was the last time you said my name Should I feel guilty for saying yours again I know you probably curse it now But I still care somehow If it’s wrong I don’t care I’ll keep quiet I think I’ll reach out but I know I’ll never try it I see the ghost of you In corners a younger me knew In hindsight I’m happy that I knew you If this is goodbye I’ve got some things to get off my mind If this is goodbye I’ve got some things I don’t want to die with by my side Tonight I’m happy that I knew you I’m happy I’m happy...

credits

released June 19, 2020

Music and Lyrics by Rosegarden Funeral Party
Recorded, Mixed, and Mastered by Michael Briggs at Civil Audio in Denton, Texas

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