1. |
Fear of Feeling Nothing
03:48
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The silence deafens my worried mind
Words of comfort are so hard to find
Looking for arms to return to
I go down the list everyone I once knew
Wondering how it will end tonight
Because I know I’m on the edge tonight
Why do words escape me now
All the feelings I used to allow
What am I with no bleeding heart
I can’t feel it anymore; pulling myself part
How does anyone come back from this?
I didn’t mean to lose my heart to this
This right here is my greatest fear
Oh I, I feel nothing...
And the think I might be guilty of
The cycle I’m so afraid of
I crash into arms of
someone who will hurt me
I need to be with someone who needs me
How does anyone come back from this?
I didn’t mean to lose my heart to this?
This right here is my greatest fear
Oh I, I feel nothing...
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2. |
Tortured Decline
03:52
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I'm sorry for some of the things I said
And others I don't feel bad at all
I worry because I don't feel bad at all
Is that a problem or is it fine
Is this psychosis only mine
And mine alone
And mine alone
But I'm losing sleep over you
Tonight you sleep next to somebody new
And I see our tortured decline
every night
I see our tortured decline
I don't want to think about you
When I go to sleep tonight
But I think that torturing myself with you
Is all that feels right anymore
I know I'm lost
But I'm afraid of being discovered here
I know I shouldn't be in this place
I've heard it all before, dear
But I'm losing sleep over you
Tonight you sleep next to somebody new
And I see our tortured decline
every night
I see our tortured decline
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3. |
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Is there anyone awake back home
starting to feel alone again
room of people
I’m the only one in it
I thought I heard your voice
But I didn’t
I know I didn’t
Is there anyone awake back home
starting to feel like I know
What it’s like to move on
Wake up finding you gone
Still feels awkward
And I hate it
I wish I could fake it
So much better than this
So much better than this
What if I never come back from this
Forever part of my eternal darkness
Show me what it’s like
To live on the other side
To live in love and light
And all those flippant drunken nights
Feel like little falls from grace
My hands feel stained
I can’t find the place
Between salivation
And saving face
And all the bad ways I cope
Show through my clothes
If I younger me could see now
Would she be horrified or proud
I was a martyr
You pulled me under
all these scars
I can’t cover
I wish I were better
I wish it were over
You left my hyper heart out on the water
Promises get broken
Hearts get stolen
And sometimes you don’t get them back
Where’s the exit
Where the medication
How do I let go of
My dedication
What if I never come back from this
Forever part of my eternal darkness
Show me what it’s like
To live on the other side
To live in love and light
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4. |
Justification
04:11
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If I knew the answer
Don’t you think I’d tell you
Who’s eyes are you seeing this through
And what does it feel like
To see the beauty in a moment
Why are my eyes blind to present
With my heart invested in nostalgia
And my mind focused on hindsight
What can I say tonight?
No one listens anyway
I’ve run out of ways to say
I miss you
I can’t justify this
On nights when I’m to weak to fight it
I haven’t felt the same
In the streetlights you walked away
I miss you
I can’t justify this
They’re all asking when I’ll move by it
It’s the way the ended
With no explanation
That keeps checking math again
Was easy for you
Or did it break you into two
I still remember those nights in that blue room
With my heart invested in nostalgia
And my mind focused on hindsight
What can I say tonight?
No one listens anyway
I’ve run out of ways to say
I miss you
I can’t justify this
On nights when I’m to weak to fight it
I haven’t felt the same
In the streetlights you walked away
I miss you
I can’t justify this
They’re all asking when I’ll move by it
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5. |
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I’ll leave again tonight to feel stable
I promise I’ll call you back when I’m able
So many things I need to say to you
In hindsight I’m happy I knew you
And I wonder if you’re happy tonight
I went home and nothing felt right
I see the ghost of you
in corners a younger me knew
In hindsight I’m happy that I knew you
I’ve never been good at change
Still never able to keep things the same
I wish that in the moment I knew
That would be the last time I saw you
As you get older it gets more apparent
That nothing is ever completely transparent
There’s more you’ll never know
In the things they’ll never show
In hindsight you’re always alone
If this is goodbye
I’ve got some things to get off my mind
If this is goodbye
I’ve got some things I don’t want to die with by my side
When was the last time you said my name
Should I feel guilty for saying yours again
I know you probably curse it now
But I still care somehow
If it’s wrong I don’t care I’ll keep quiet
I think I’ll reach out but I know I’ll never try it
I see the ghost of you
In corners a younger me knew
In hindsight I’m happy that I knew you
If this is goodbye
I’ve got some things to get off my mind
If this is goodbye
I’ve got some things I don’t want to die with by my side
Tonight
I’m happy that I knew you
I’m happy
I’m happy...
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